Adult Babies do it with Bigger Nappies

'Junior'

’Of course you don't have an Oedipus complex – but you really do dig your mama! You have spent your whole life trying to get back into the womb. Actually man, there's someone I think you should see.’

But until then…

You stir from the snugness of your bolthole, adrift in a sea of toys and pampers. Exiting playpen right, you crawl - with security blanket in tow - towards Mummykins, wiggling your tushie. You look up at Mummy, grinning, as she bends down and loosens your nappy, checking for ‘deposits’.

It’s bath time, so you take your favourite yellow ducky, ready to squeal and splash amongst wilfully irreverent bubbles, as they are launched across the bathroom, only for your actions to be met with stern injunction.

Gently dried off, your legs and arms kick and swing for freedom. You giggle at the sight – and wriggle in anticipation - of Johnson’s talcum powder.

Breast-fed through falsies hosted by a TV sporting eau de Bombay Sapphire®, you notice a tendency towards stubble. At only £200 per hour, you can afford to suspend disbelief; it cuts both ways.

You remember your wife, and smile. If only she’d agree to play Mummy, just once. Today she is taking toddler Tom to visit your mother.

You hear a bus pass by outside.

Originally conceived in Itaewon, Seoul, Korea, 30th April 2006